KILL THE CRAP IN DATING:
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This article is actually an excerpt from Kill The Crap's first new book, written by me, entitled Kill The Crap In Dating: For Men. Most guys have a hard time understanding women because women are not explained to them in a logical way. The following is a scientific... cause and effect explanation of the importance of being funny. Hopefully after reading this article it will convince you of the importance of working on your funny bone and you'll start getting out there and seeing what works for you. This and a hundred other ideas are explained in depth in our book, so to get the full picture of this concept to purchase Kill The Crap In Dating: For Men click here.
So, why is it so important to be funny when dealing with women?
"... and you've hopefully come to realize, that in spite of religion, and magic, and all that other stuff people wish life was about, it all comes down to the fact that we are animals on a quest for survival.
When it comes to social interactions, events etc. the human mind is basically on constant alert. Assessing incoming data and filtering between threat and non threat we subconsciously navigate our way through the crowds. On first contact with any person you don't know, you're adrenaline is turned on. Being in small doses or big doses will depend on your personality.
Someone who has been abused growing up will have a more hair trigger adrenaline function then someone who was raised in a loving environment. But when you meet someone, regardless, some level of adrenaline is pumping.
In social interaction, however, there is no reasonable excuse to be in "fight or flight" mode. So when we meet someone new, at a party surrounded by people, or at any other social event, many of us will either socially fight--> be aggressive or argue with people, or... they will kick in with the social flight mechanism and find themselves a corner to get away from the crowd.
Now, what makes us laugh? The unexpected... followed by the realization that this unexpected, jarring event is not a threat.
Somebody makes a song about Santa running over your grandmother with his reindeer, this has made a lot of people smile (at least when they first heard that one). First the song introduces a threatening, scary idea, a relative being killed by someone. But once the mind creates the image of a fat jolly man in a red suit with flying reindeer SLAMMING right into your crippled old grandma...it registers that this is not possible, therefore triggering an adrenaline release response.
The adrenaline release response will happen in many forms depending on the interpretation of your actions. There are three main adrenaline release responses Fight, Flight... and LAUGHTER. Adrenaline is going to be pumping regardless of what you do, but how you deal with this persons adrenaline will dictate their response. If you argue with them, they'll hate you, if you weird them out they'll try to walk/run away from you, but if you make them laugh, it releases their adrenaline in a non-threatening way, this does a few things. The adrenaline being released is followed by more chemicals, these new chemicals create a calming, warming feeling. If you pissed them off, they would get this warm feeling after they have given you a piece of their mind and assured that they have beaten you. If you scared them they will get that warm feeling when they feel safe from you (that's what that sigh of relief is about). But if they laugh because of something you said or did... this tells them that they are safe where they are right now. This gives you the opportunity to continue to make them feel that warm feeling.
WARNING:
However, after a while of doing the same things, all of the adrenaline will have been dispensed, because no new adrenaline was caused to flow. This is why it is so important to keep taking things to the next level with a woman. Because if you don't take things to the next level, her adrenaline will be gone, and she wont get those following chemicals anymore. She'll say that it just "fizzled out" but really what happened is that you didn't cause those chemicals (which are addictive, but not in a bad way) to come back (and since the chemicals are addictive, she has to go elsewhere to get her "fix"). So how do you cause the chemicals to come back? You do something to put her in fight or flight, followed by allowing her to release that adrenaline with some calming, sensual/humorous action.
The reason why abusive men are so attractive to women is that when a woman is put in a life threatening situation one minute, but then you get the ever so classic "I'm sorry baby, you know I love you, you just push my buttons, you know I love you right?", this releases huge amounts adrenaline and I'm sure you've seen it a thousand times and couldn't make any sense out of why this girl went back with this guy, well... we're about to clue you in. By we I mean "me".
a side note about women and abusive men...
So if walking up to someone creates a small amount of adrenaline, releasing that adrenaline will be followed by a SMALL amount of those addictive chemicals.
What happens then... if you create a huge SPIKE of adrenaline and follow that with a proper adrenaline releasing tactic? Right, you get a HUGE SPIKE of those addictive chemicals, she's given an overwhelming dose. What happens when you give someone too much of an addictive chemical their first time trying it? They can't control they're need for it. They're hooked. So she breaks up with the guy, and like a crack addict, it's hard to go cold turkey. She meets other guys who don't cause spikes, or if they cause anything, it's just a little flutter. Well if a woman is with a man who is constantly causing HUGE spikes of adrenaline/euphoria activity, and then you come along and give her stability... even if you are spontaneous, even if you are sexy, even if you are great in bed, even if you are all of those things, you still wont cause a big enough spike to satisfy her high tolerance for what we'll call "release spikes".
Women with this type of addiction are doomed to be in abusive relationships, and you need to walk away. The problem is... like I keep saying how men and women are so much alike... guys get addicted to the chemicals that are released when they overcome a challenge. If there's a problem to be solved that interests us, our mind wont rest until we solve it. Enter the "Night in shining armor" syndrome. You get addicted to saving women, she gets addicted to being a damsel in distress... funny.
But anyway, I got off on a tangent there, the reason why you need to be funny, the reason why you need to be confident, the reason why you need to be a challenge, is because if you're not... you won't cause adrenaline... no adrenaline, no possibility of introducing the following chemicals that women find "magical".
You have to let go of the idea that "women don't make sense" and "I guess she just doesn't like me" everything that happens in life, is because of something you did. Even if you get hit by a bus or hit by stray bullets from a shoot out that had nothing to do with you, you still walked in front of that bus, you were still present during that shoot out.
Everything that happens to you, is because of something you did. However what you do, does not always have a known result. No, you can't know if walking down that street is going to get you shot, and NO... you can't know if walking up to a girl and saying "I like your dress... did your mommy pick it out for you?" will piss a girl off, make her laugh, or confuse her. But whatever happens, it's because you said it.
Everything breaks down to cause and effect. If something doesn't work, it's because it's causing a result that you don't like. And no amount of "ideals" or "beliefs" is going to change that.
The truth is chaos is not real, everything has order, everything makes sense, you just have to crack the code.
Women make sense. Just not in the same way that guys make sense, women think men are confusing, men think women are confusing. Where in our society are we encouraged to study each other? It's looked down on because in our society, to try and learn how to interact with people is considered weak. It indicates that we don't know how to deal with people, which makes us seem social inept. But it takes STRENGTH to admit you are lacking a certain skill, and it takes even more Strength to set out to improve that skill.
Have the strength to do it, because you can either walk blind and get hit by a bus, or walk with your eyes open and wait for the right moment to cross the street.
(damn that was a good analogy)
That's just a piece of the puzzle to that topic, this book is going to show you everything you need to improve your dating life, and I'm currently working on the sequal to this book that will cover much more advanced topics.
Kill The Crap.
So, did you learn something good in this article? Want to see what it can do to improve your skills? I've checked out this dating site personally, it's good news for you, it's a low risk, easy to handle site that helps you practice talking to women without as much fear of rejection or feeling stupid. My personal favorite is the fact that you can filter through hundreds of women in a single week, something that's damn near impossible in person. Sign up for it, you'll be glad you did. Click here:
