Understanding Men and their Testosterone, part 3
To men, it's obvious why they love sports, guns, cars and loud things. But women can't always say the same for themselves. This article aims to help you ladies out there to better understand men and their testosterone driven behaviors.
Understand Men and
Their Competitive Behavior
through the need to feel like we are better then others. Childish... So THAT'S why women are always chasing after jocks, they're CHILDISH, of course. Damn, now I have to go rewrite my entire book, guys look all ya gotta do is be a whiny little brat that plays games all day and doesn't take life seriously, my bad. Anyway, back to something that actually makes sense.
We all understand that competition is prevalent in our society, especially among men, but what is it about the competition that gets guys so pumped up?
I mean after all, go to a club and tell me that women are dressing up for the guys. They're NOT, they're dressing up to compete with other women. So if women suffer from the same competition bug that guys do, then why is it such a more popular attitude in society that men are the competitive freaks and not you ladies?
Here's my theory, it's the same reason why statistically "men cheat more then women" if anything women cheat more then men, a lot more, but they admit MUCH less. I would say, just as a guess from my own experience with women, if you took 100 that all have cheated on someone they were in a relationship with, and asked them in a scientific study, how many of them have ever cheated, you'd probably get a result of about 15%-25% depending on the mix of people you ask. However ask 100 male cheaters and probably 75% will admit to it.
The truth is that
women are genetically designed to cheat. Don't believe me? How many girls
do you know that "love" their boyfriends, but would be open
to someone better if they came along? Right, all your female friends are
that way. Women will always be open to the idea of a better mate. That's
how "survival of the fittest" works, women want the best. Men
know this... now ask me again where the competition comes from?
The nurture half of a man's personality (how he's raised) tells him that competition isn't something that should be a factor in dating. But his nature (his genetics and how he's made) tells him that he must consider competition as a factor and be competitive. So what does he do? Acts out his built in need in other ways.
So guys beat each other up, and play sports, and some men paint their faces the color of their favorite team and do crazy stuff. So, while men are more obvious about their competitive. nature, women are more subtle about it. Both men and women are very similar, in this case the only difference in competitive. nature is how obvious it is. So, at least the way I see it, men are tagged as being competitively minded, because they do crazier and more obvious things more often.
Then again... when women want to get noticed above all other women by a famous musician while he's on stage, what do they do? They strip their clothes down and throw them on stage, or whore themselves out to the bouncer, the roady (how do you spell that?) and the guy that gets coffee just so they can work their way back to the guy's dressing room... hmmmmm. Maybe men and women are even MORE similar then even I realize.
Okay, I'm messing with you, but I think you understand what I'm driving at. Get off the high horse, because in truth you're no better.
Speed doesn't really get above 40 miles an hour, but that doesn't stop people from spinning out and ending up in the grass twenty feet off the road. Racing's never really been my thing, I've had a ton of fun on motorcycles, but racing cars just never really clicked in me. But I was curious what it did for others. So I went around and started interviewing people and taking pictures of them with their cars, or just the cars of the people too shy to get their photos taken. I asked them what they liked more, the competition aspect of the races, the communal atmosphere (these races are run mostly by the participants) or the self advancement involved with becoming a better racer.
You see, as far as men are concerned, a task is meaningless without a goal. MOST guys don't want to participate in activities that are only communal, like say; getting together, having s'mores and talking about nothing in particular while doing each others nails. MOST guys don't want to participate in activities that are only competitive, the un-welcoming atmosphere of something that is strictly about winning draws a very small crowd. And most guys have a difficult time with something that is only about self improvement. As rewarding as making yourself a better man is, it's tough at times to do it without a communal aspect. Often guys want a workout buddy when they exercise and things like that, the same holds true for their general outlook on competitive events.
So what do men get out of competition?
A: They get competition, competition is a form of feedback. You've been working at your craft for so long it's nice to see just how good you've become. Guys love to understand things, when they compete, they understand how their level of skill holds up with the rest of the world. "If you can do it I can do it" is an attitude that actually helps raise the bar of entire societies. Some people don't realize where their limits really are until they see a guy break the mold. Competitiveness also brings a level of dominance to the playing field and helps men to establish their position on the totem pole. There is nothing worse then feeling out of place for humans. Both men and women, need to know how they relate to others and how they rank against others in order to feel secure in their place on this earth. While winning a racing event doesn't make you a man, it is a reassurance of your abilities as a man.
B: They get a communal vibe, or "bonding" with other participants. Men like togetherness, in today's society especially, walking up to strangers that are of the same sex and sparking a conversation is simply not allowed. And walking up to people in general is sort of uncomfortable. But at any sort of communal event, all approaches are acceptable. When you take a communal event and mix it with a single topic, it's even easier to approach people and make friends. In other words, just throwing a barbecue isn't as welcoming as a racing event, or a car show. Because at a car show you can walk up to anybody and just start talking about cars. This day and age, guys have less and less friends the older they get, maybe it's the same for women, but with these events, at least they can meet new personalities that are in his same wavelength.
C: They get self improvement and feedback. At events like these, as with any competitive event, you can check your progress over the last performance. Also, you can talk to other pros and get advice from them on how to improve your game. While it may only be a hobby, self advancement is a trait that is built right into our genes. From day one it's something we do, and even in isolation, we continue to do it.
These aspects don't separately offer a guy anything, but combined, it's a formula that will always draw a male crowd. Maybe the medium will change, from the Gladiator fights and Olympics to the modern day race way and street hustle basketball courts, anything that involves communal and competitive situations for self improvement in some aspect of a guys life, that will
always be an activity that provides a calling for us. Now, from a natural born "lone wolf" type, I've never been much for sports. I love meeting women and going to clubs and dating and all of that. But I've never been into the "team effort" stuff. There's something about slapping the asses of my teammates and screaming "show me some hustle" that just doesn't appeal to me. But when I was in school I did do track and field, and now that I'm older I do enjoy playing paintball and target shooting. I've also been involved in martial arts since I was very young. And all of these activities offer me competition, a communal aspect and plenty of room for self improvement.
So it really doesn't matter what kind of guy you've got we tend to be thrilled by the same things. Even if your boyfriend would be considered a "dork", what do you think playing those Magic card games gets him? There's competition, communal aspects and room for self improvement. Unless he's got a few wires crossed, he's going to be drawn to events that offer those three aspects. They may come in the form of street basketball or jet skit racing, and it may be a DET-1 marine with his team blasting the faces off of terrorists, it's all still based on the same concept.
To help you understand what it feels like, I'm going to say something that all men will cringe about, but whether they want to admit it or not, it really is true.
When a man is put into a situation where there's a good balance of those three ingredients, he gets a feeling similar to being hugged by someone you really care about and haven't seen in a while. You feel fresh, excited, happy, proud, even when you lose you're still glad you came out and did your best. But a guy can't walk out into the daylight and say "I'd really like to get that feeling like when I've been hugged by somebody I love and haven't seen in a long time". People tend to simplify things that they enjoy, because to describe it's appeal very specifically would be like pearls among the pigs, they just don't understand it's value.
Guys don't explain things, because in all societies, men are rarely understood. They ARE very quick to be labeled, but rarely understood. You may not understand, because guys just figure you won't. They may have tried to explain it to you and you simply weren't
listening. But, next time your boy wants to go out and run with the pack, see if you can come along, just to watch. And instead of judging the morality or sensibility, just try to understand it.
Albert Einstein said that the most important question you can ever ask, is "why". Now, growing up, you would ask why all the time, and what would mommy and daddy do? Get pissed off at you. So why, sort of takes a back seat as you get older. By the time you are off on your own, you've simply stopped asking why. Why is a question that precludes understanding.
If why is the most important question you can ever ask, understanding is the most important thing you could ever do. So do it.
Kill The Crap.
If you really want to understand men, then take advantage of what tons of women already have. My book is so versitile, not only are men using it to better understand themselves and women, but women are also using it to understand themselves and their boyfriends. Get your copy right now, trust me when I say it, you'll be glad you did.